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Since I was young, probably younger than I should have been to be worrying about stuff like this, I have believed that if I don’t do everything I will not be successful. Obviously there are clear flaws with this line of thinking, especially that it is just not true. Carrying this mantra for so many years has made me develop a chronic habit of overworking myself and the thing is I still don’t feel like I do enough.
As a junior, I am a part of numerous clubs, honors and AP classes, two sports, have two jobs, etc. But when I see so many students’ resumes that far exceed mine, I still feel like what I do isn’t enough which makes me join more things which create a cycle of never-ending busyness that causes me to feel a crushing pressure to succeed in everything. This is something wrong with my mindset and I’m working to fix it. The constant struggle to be perfect in the society we live in today, with seemingly perfect students not getting into their dream colleges, creates lots of other teenagers like me who perpetuate the same cycle.
Another thing is that I’m constantly scared of disappointing everyone around me. In my head, if I don’t get accepted to a selective college everyone who knows me is going to think I wasted my potential. I feel as though I have this reputation I have to keep up and if I don’t fulfill what everyone has expected for me, they are going to be disappointed. This is painfully wrong though; people have not put this expectation on me, I have put it on myself and in reality nobody will care where I go to school. They will be proud of me no matter what. I am the first person on my dad’s side of the family who is going to go to college. The only one I’d be disappointing is myself, which really isn’t fair because I did all I could. I will end up where I am meant to end up.
Overworking doesn’t only cause stress; having no free time to yourself can cause a decline in one’s social life, anxiety and just general exhaustion. All these sacrifices just to try and grasp at a future that lives up to our dreams. The thing is that these sacrifices aren’t even totally needed if our mindset just gets reframed. Just because you don’t get in the #1 college in the country doesn’t mean you’ll end up working a job you’re miserable in. Just because you don’t get an A on a paper doesn’t mean you are going to be a failure. While I know this deep down, it is still hard to actually accept and understand it. I am working on putting myself first more, accommodating my social life, my energy, and my happiness because all of those are just as important as monetary wealth and success.
You don’t want to throw away the short time that is high school and all the experiences that come along with it in order to put first a future that might not even happen; just live in the present. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try in school and that you shouldn’t join extracurriculars, but just go easier on yourself. We will never get this time back and we will be successful as long as we can balance our life healthily. Work hard, but also have fun. I’m going to continue to work on putting myself first and you should join me on this journey.
