Rich Mom/Real Housewives Starter Pack: Cape Cod Edition

“North Truro, Cape Cod, MA” by meantux

Isabelle Bresette, Staff Writer

So you want to be on Real Housewives of Cape Cod? First, make sure you fit all of the criteria to be considered. 

 

You must: 

  • Be able to talk about hydrangeas excessively
  • Be a regular at Wholefoods
  • Pretend to be against botox, but drive 2 hours off Cape to get your entire face done at least every other month. 
  • Have a standing weekly massage appointment at CBI
  • Be an active member of your child’s school PTA
  • Consider yourself an iced coffee connoisseur, when in reality you spend $100 a week on basic nonfat lattes at Starbucks. 
  • Spend 97% of your Summer on a boat anchored off the vineyard while the nannies stay on land with the kids
  • Blame the entirety of covid-19 on your husband
  • Drive an Escalade or Suburban, because the Range Rover you wanted just isn’t “rugged enough” for the Cape Cod terrain. 
  • Frequently go to the McDonald’s drive-thru in disguise. AKA huge Celine sunglasses and a baseball hat after dropping kids at school. 
  • Uniform must be old cashmere worn over neutrals and “vintage” jeans
  • Have a dog for appearances but drop it off at the trainer every day
  • Think about your old life in the city 20 times a day
  • Wear Tory Burch flip flops despite the fact that they are ugly and you know it

 

If you hit all of these criteria, please contact the producer immediately. We look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. 

 

– The Real Housewives of Cape Cod 2021 Production Team