Osprey Cam a Sham
April 9, 2015
Filed under Satire
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After years of starring in a regular b2b segment and a link on the school website, the elusive osprey cam has finally been discovered to be a sham. In fact, no osprey has been seen on or near Barnstable High School’s property since about July of 2008. The students who first began operating the osprey cam graduated in 2004, along with all of the other students featured in the Barnstable High School website’s photo gallery. The exact person running the cam now remains unclear, but it has been determined that the “live” camera is actually just continuously reeling the same scenes of some sad, lost osprey. This footage will continue to air on both the school website and Channel 22 (b2b tv) until further notice. Surprisingly, the osprey have a strong following within the community so that most folks are not willing to part with their birds so quickly.
The students and administrators have expressed their outrage in the wake of this discovery. “I feel as though I have lost my best friend” said a BHS teacher who wishes to remain anonymous at this time. While the osprey was not widely discussed when it was seemingly alive and present, the controversy has caused students and teachers to freely admit that they felt they had a connection to the bird. Junior Sasha Larynx admitted to the press “I feel the same way I felt when I found out the man who plays Barney got arrested for punching that guy.”
Student conspiracy theorist, known as Ryotz by his peers, expressed his outrage in a recent blog post, exclaiming “if they [?] go to such lengths to lie about a large, endangered bird, what ELSE are they [?] not telling us?” Conspiracy theories regarding the osprey cam’s actual use have been discussed, but no concrete evidence has been found.
The escalating drama surrounding the osprey has torn BHS apart. Nobody has admitted to knowingly airing the phony footage. Everyone is a suspect. If anyone knows any information regarding the developing osprey case, please tell a parent or trusted adult immediately.