News has just aired that a pandemic is sweeping the nation. What is the first thing you think to purchase to prepare yourself?

1. A poster so you can tell everyone the world is ending
2. Every single package of Clorox wipes
3. Merchandise from a newly released clothing line
4. Masks
5. Amazon Prime subscription

What is your favorite form of entertainment?

1. News stations to follow every breaking development
2. Reading the statistic “kills 99.9% of germs” on a label and starting a conversation with someone about what happens to the other 0.1% of germs to see how they react
3. An endless supply of TikToks
4. Netflix
5. Watching YouTube videos from an assortment of creators

One of your friends wants to come over. How do you respond?

1. “If the world is going to end, why not?”
2. “Absolutely not! Do you know how contagious the virus is?”
3. “Of course! I miss my friends.”
4. “You guys have friends asking if you want to hang out?”
5. “It’s probably a better idea not to be seeing anyone else outside of the family right now.”

What’s your favorite quarantine meal?

1. This is my 10th granola bar today.
2. If the cow wasn’t mooing 10 seconds ago, then it’s not fresh enough!
3. Something fancy so I can post it on my story.
4. Whatever I feel like ordering out.
5. Reordering from the same delivery place again because it has my credit card saved.

What was your reaction to heading back to school in September?

1. NOOOOOOOOO
2. The hazmat suit is going on, and I will have eight packages of hand sanitizer in my backpack.
3. Yes! I can’t wait to see all my friends after so long!
4. Well, I’d rather stay at home, but I can live with going to school only two days a week.
5. I’d prefer to have completely virtual school so I can roll out of bed at 7:19 and still be on time for class.

What school/club event do you miss the most?

1. None. Going outside is dangerous!
2. Renaissance honor roll events 
3. Friday night football games
4. An after-school club
5. Field trips

What are your plans after school on most days?

1. I head home and see if there’s anything good to watch
2. I go home immediately and wash my hands because I was forced to touch the bathroom toilet seat in order to lift it
3. Hang out with some friends
4. If I don’t have to stay after school for anything, usually a nap
5. Seeing if there’s any cool new gadgets online that I can buy to improve my school experience

RESULTS:

If you chose mostly 1s, congratulations, you are the Nihilist! You believe the world is going to end, and everything is meaningless. Why participate in anything or make a conscious effort to get out of bed on time if the world is probably going to end in our lifetime? 

If you chose mostly 2s, congratulations, you are the Germaphobe! You obsessively washed your hands in the past, but now that a pandemic is sweeping the nation, you have installed a decontamination center in the foyer of your home for extra safety. You are the person who purchased 15 packages of clorox wipes while everyone else struggled to find a single container. At least you’ll be germless!

If you chose mostly 3s, congratulations, you are the Social Butterfly! Just because a pandemic is on the rampage doesn’t mean the social media world stops revolving. All of the streaks need to be maintained, and going a week without hanging out with someone means becoming irrelevant.

If you chose mostly 4s, congratulations, you are the Off the Radar! You probably had a few close friends before this entire thing started, but the pandemic has caused you to lose touch with them. You only speak to them online occasionally, but other than that keep to yourself. There have been some grievances with losing some fun activities, but your life was not dramatically altered. The extra time to relax while the world scalds outside feels pretty refreshing.

If you chose mostly 5s, congratulations, you are the Online Super Shopper! Did you like Amazon before the pandemic? Well now it’s the only source of consumer goods! You renewed your prime subscription and asked your parents for an extra allowance so you could purchase anything that interested you while browsing the endless array of things you really don’t need, but… the shopping cart is empty.