After the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor among countless others, we have seen people beginning to take a much closer look at racial inequality in the United States. As a black girl who has lived on  Cape Cod most of her life, I can definitely say that my experiences growing up here will be reflected in how I present myself for the rest of my life.

I should start by explaining how I moved to Cape Cod in the first place. I moved to the Cape in 2007 from a small city in central Florida, about 50 minutes outside of Orlando. I don’t think I spoke more than a few words the entire first year I lived here. At first, I thought maybe I was just a very shy kid; this was in some ways true, but I think I was suffering more from severe culture shock. Culture shock is defined as, “the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone who is suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes” by Oxford Languages. While living in Winter Haven, Florida, I was surrounded by people who were just like me. We all ate the same foods, knew the same people, and shared the same culture; since I lived in a predominantly Haitian community. But when I moved here, I went from an environment where everyone was like me to where no one was like me at all. That was probably one of the most difficult times of  my life. 

Growing up, I definitely struggled with my identity — things that were so familiar to me just a few years prior barely made sense anymore. I didn’t know if this was who I was or who I felt I had to become in order to “fit in.” I feared being the “stereotypical black girl” up until around the middle of my sophomore year. I didn’t want to be labeled as loud so I made myself be quiet. I didn’t want to be called ghetto so I tried my hardest to appear as poised as possible. I was terrified of being judged or put into a box. One of my biggest regrets in all of my high school career was just not being myself. 

Hair on the Cape for a black girl is an absolute nightmare. I’m sure I’ve had some pretty interesting hairstyles over the years because I literally have no idea how to truly take care of my natural hair and the lack of hair products on the Cape for black people adds to this challenge. That is probably the main reason my hair is almost always in box braids. Another struggle is going to a hair salon and asking them if they do black hair just for them to chemically relax it and call it a day. The pressure to straighten my hair from my peers in middle school nearly drove me crazy; it made me feel like people wanted to change me or thought my hair texture was ugly. It was a weird feeling, and I never understood why people felt they could request what I should do to my own hair.

The hardest part for me, is the classroom. Sometimes I feel that in group work no one cares to hear what I have to say, so I just let other students take the reigns.

Being talked over constantly is so frustrating because I would never even think to do something like that to someone else. It’s also uncomfortable being asked about certain subjects just because of the color of my skin, because I haven’t experienced everything and I am not representative of my entire race. 

I have learned over the years that you don’t have to be the butt of racist jokes. I remember thinking that I just had self deprecating humor when I was actually degrading myself without even realizing it. I laughed at things that I should have been more serious about; I let people say things to me that weren’t in any way, shape or form ok, all because I thought, “well they’re laughing so I doubt they meant in that way.” But overall, don’t let yourself be ok with people making remarks about your race. It isn’t funny and it only normalizes insensitivity. There are small things here and there, like getting compared to random black celebrities. I’ve gotten it all, from Malia Obama to Serena Williams, both of which I look nothing like. It even happens locally as well, where people will ask if you are related to another black student in the school because “well, you guys look exactly the same,” which is rarely true, or being told you should get into a romantic relationship with the only other black kid in the class solely because you’re both black.

One of the very first times I had ever heard of the Black Lives Matter Movement was after the death of Philando Castile in 2016 at a traffic stop in Minnesota. I remember watching his death on the news and just sobbing. Even though my mom had done an excellent job of raising me to be aware of acts of racism, colorism and what it meant to be a black person in this country, you can never truly prepare yourself to witness things like that. There are certain feelings you just can’t explain to others because how would they ever truly understand? I wish people understood that BLM is not a political issue, it’s a human rights one. It disheartens me that people are trying to twist it into something sinister because of false information or maybe internalized racism. My rights as a human in this country are not up for discussion or debate. It’s odd how in politics black people come up as a topic; it makes me feel like the government is asking themselves “what are we going to do with those black people?” 

Overall, there are positives to living on Cape Cod. I learned many things. I learned the importance of support and true friendship. I have met some pretty interesting people who I would have never met in a million years if I hadn’t moved here. I have learned how to adapt to all kinds of environments and I truly believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and one day this will all be one big lesson for me. Most people like to ask what can we do to create better experiences for students of color? And my response is to simply listen. I believe that in my life, so many situations would have turned out differently if people just listened to me instead of trying to tell me how to feel. As for all my fellow black girls on Cape Cod, don’t let anyone dim your light or steal your voice. Your feelings are just as valid as anyone elses no  matter what anyone says. Speak your truth at all costs and although there will be hard times, you can and will get through it.