Vaccinations are dumb. It’s as simple as that. People are always worrying about trivial things, deadly diseases for example, when everyone should really just embrace all the sneezes and snot. Everyone’s constantly trying to be ‘proactive’ and ‘preventative’, yada yada yada, but that requires giving children regular shots and honestly, who has time for all that paperwork? Let the children live their dirty, germy lives to the fullest. So what if they cough up some blood? Big deal. Eat a lemon-lime popsicle and get on with your life.

And, since we, as citizens, have the right to decide what diseases come back into full destruction mode, why would people even bother making kids cry? Their whining is just annoying.  We’re able to control what happens in the world at all times. It’s all a matter of willpower.

The Radish was given a solid rumor that Campbell’s and Progresso were contemplating teaming up to bring back the black plague to support chicken noodle soup sales. (It’s been a rough year.) But, a costly study determined that the pustules really weren’t worth it. The point is, they could have done it, if they tried. It’s all about effort.

If I wanted to revive a certain disease, I can arrange it with a snap of my finger. Faster than you can say outbreak, Rebecca Crowley, my fifth-grade nemesis, got a timely case of chickenpox so that she fell behind in our read-a-thon, helping me secure my worthy spot in first place. I’ll always deny any involvement in Rebecca’s brief bump with the pox; it was all a mere coincidence she got it in the middle of reading Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer.

What I’m saying here is that it’s time we take back the power we rightly possess. Fatal diseases really aren’t all that much to fuss about if you have the guts to stay in control. Say no to shots. Don’t let them take away your right as a citizen to control everything that happens in the world. Your world, at least. Let the others fend for themselves.