As the 2020 presidential election wraps up, we can begin to think about the future. In less than four years the 2024 presidential election will be upon us. Though some may say it is too soon, it is never too soon to start determining the state of our nation. With many different candidates lined up, from different backgrounds, places, and work experiences we can begin to see the start of a ferocious competition. Campaigns and slogans take over tv commercials and billboards as we wait to see who will win and run our country next.
The first candidate announced is the one and only Queen Elisabeth II of England. Although her ancestors might have lost the colonies centuries ago nothing can stop her from getting what rightfully hers. In her own words “The Revolutionary War was rigged.” Her plan to “Make America British again” includes the finding of all the tea lost in the Boston Tea Party and replacing Mount Rushmore with the lovable faces of the British members of One Direction. Although critics say she seems a little too old her response shut the haters down. “I may look 94 years old but I have the heart and soul of a 20-year-old; I plan to live forever.” Due to the recent move of Prince Harry and Meghan to America, the Queen has decided that it is necessary to follow them to rule them wherever they may go. The Queen rests a strong case but her contestants may give her a run for her money.
Celebrity chef and fellow Brit Gordon Ramsey has also entered the race. Not only will he teach all of America how to cook a mean beef wellington but we will also receive some angry yelling to clean our act up. Who doesn’t appreciate a little tough love? Ramsey has already stirred up some trouble though with the vegan and vegetarian community. His comments on vegans including “I am allergic to vegans,” and “My biggest nightmare is that my kid told me I was vegetarian,” did not sit well with many human herbivores. Many believe if Gorden Rasmey is the 47th president that a law banning vegans and vegetarians might be put in place leaving many plant lovers in prison. Fighting between vegetarians/vegans vs. members of Ronald Mcdonald and Colonel Sanders from KFC’s cult has already erupted. Are vegans’ lives at stake in the 2024 election? The only way to find out is in time and to see where the taste buds of the voters really lie.
With 405 votes on a petition to write in Danny Devito for president, Devito is already off to a good start. As a 75-year-old, who is a whopping 4’10 and experienced in speaking for the trees in The Lorax movie, the public can’t think of a better candidate. Devito has already proposed to lower the height to get on a rollercoaster to 4’0 which caused an outcry of joy from the vertically challenged Association of America. Frank Reynolds, a huge Danny supporter exclaimed on the internet, “Danny Devito fits that voice like a warm glass of milk. He is our savior. He is our lifeblood. Now let’s make him our president.”
Others thinking about joining the race include Kermit the Frog (running on the Green Party ticket), and Taylor Swift who her haters already think is the biggest socialist under 40. The only way to find out who will win is to get out and vote for who you believe in, no matter if it’s the Queen Of England, a reality tv chef, a comedian, or even a puppet frog.